I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize