He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
