Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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