yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize