We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
