I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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