The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
