Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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