I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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