her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
