I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
