He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
