you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Green mimosas i think yes
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
