apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
