I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
