Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
