Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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