Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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