Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
