guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My vagina just clenched in fear
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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