If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
