I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
