Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
