omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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