She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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