First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize