What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
