Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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