i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
