Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
