Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
