I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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