Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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