Who wears a wallet chain?!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
This toilet bowl is my home.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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