No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Hippo gnu deer
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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