I've blown a few things in my day
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
