Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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