I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
