I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
