I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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