I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
