She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
