Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
