walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
