I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
