I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
