It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
