Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize