i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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