I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
