Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
