my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
