We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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