So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
