community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize