everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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