"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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