Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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