My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You're like the curious george of whores
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
