Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I stole a fireplace last night.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
