Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
