why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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