if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
