I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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