I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Too much gin, very little bucket
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
