He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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