If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Drunk is a universal language darling
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
