it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
That was before I lit my hair on fire
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
