I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
