I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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