I heard we made out
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
