So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
