You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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