question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
time to smoke my breakfast
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
