i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
