Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
