I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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