Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
