I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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