Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
