I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
