Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
