That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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