So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
