I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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