I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so let's talk penis.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
