So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
