Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
