Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
