saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
