you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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