i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
